Well last night we got our update from Molly. They met w/ Amanda on Wednesday but she was not ready to look at any profiles. Guess a friend of a friend has talked to Amanda about adopting her baby. I guess this can be a potentially common thing for birthmoms, though not something that the agency would advocate. The agency did meet 2 new birthmoms this week. One did not meet our criteria and the other does, but unfortunately has a lot of boundaries that need to be addressed before they proceed with introducing her to any families. Still playing the waiting game. It's weird because the waiting does not get any easier, but almost more manageable. I think it's because at the beginning we would get SO excited when we were told about birthmoms. At this point, it's difficult to get excited for fear of a let down. It's hard because I don't want it to take away from the experience when we are chosen. I know we are going to create an adoption story for our child. In this book I want to include our first thoughts, when we first found out, how we were feeling, etc... Hopefully the blog will be able to help us tell our story and remember dates. We will have to express to our child how difficult and challenging it was to wait but how it will all be worth it. I definitely want to get a onesie that says "Totally Worth The Wait" and another one that says "Worth Every Penny" :o)

Well, on Wednesday we got a call from Joni who advised us that Kirsten (the birthmom we were suppose to meet today) decided she wanted to meet another birthmom who chose parenting instead of adoption. Joni did say that there is another birthmom named Amanda who is 100% towards adoption. Joni and Molly are going to show Amanda our photobook on Wednesday and they will let us know what she thinks. I believe they are still going to show our photobook to Kirsten, even though we are not meeting her at this time. Kirsten just isn't sure what direction she wants to go with her child. Joni says she is feeling very positive about Amanda but of course we both still feel guarded. I have to attend 2 baby showers this weekend and have 3 close relatives pregnant. So very excited about each of them, although I did get slightly emotional shopping in Babies R Us for the shower gifts. Needless to say I left the store w/out anything. I did go to Meijer later w/ Derek to buy the shower gifts and was fine. It's amazing how support and comfort from others helps you get through things. I had to get down on my knees last night and pray that He would help us and guide us. I know we cannot do this without Him in our lives.

We met with Molly and Joni on Monday 1/31 at their office. It was a meeting to discuss our feelings and go over what communication changes need to be made (since me and derek haven't been happy with the way things have gone so far). Hopefully things will get better. To be honest, the only way to go is up at this point :o/ I explained to them that several other people have been interested in adoption and I have specifically told them not to go to choice network because of their horrible communication. They of course promised that things will get better. I really hope they do. We also found out that they are working with 21 potential birth moms. Not all these moms meet our criteria but it is nice to know they have some available. We are wanting a Caucasian infant, which means our wait will be longer (but we are completely ok with that). I guess Anna randomly found an adoptive family on her own and Nakita wants to parent (although she has a lot of barriers if she decides to parent, so she's not completely out of the picture). We'll see...

I did get a follow-up email from Molly and Joni on Fri. They just expressed how happy they were that we met and that things are now going in the right direction. I got a phone call from Joni later and she said they are working with a birthmom named Kirsten who is not sure if she wants to place her child up for adoption or not. She currently has a 17 mo old son but is having a girl in June. She is 60% leaning towards adoption and 40% leaning towards keeping the child. We are going to meet her on Friday. Definitely not getting our hopes up, but it's nice to know that she is on the boarder. I feel like we both have a bit of a wall up at this point, so we don't get hurt. Part of me is afraid it may take away from the experience but I think it's a natural reaction. I mentioned to Molly and Joni that it may be helpful for me and Derek to talk to another couple that has been through the same process that we have been through. I'm curious if they have had the same feelings and built the same walls.