A text was received my Joni on Monday (12/27) that her and Molly met w/ Anna the night before. It appears at this current time that Anna is leaning more towards parenting than adoption. It is definitely a difficult decision for a 16 yr old to make. Her parents are more for the adoption but are not really pushing Anna in that direction. The agency introduced Anna to a few other birthmom's that had chosen adoption for their children as a support system. The agency is going to try to touch base w/ Anna again later this week and then they will discuss the situation with us. Though the news wasn't exactly what we were looking to hear, it was nice that we are finding out now rather than after the baby is born. It is better to find out sooner rather than later.

Well... after still no news w/ Anna, I decided it may be good to get our information from the agency (homestudy, contracts, etc) to review. We really have not been satisfied with our experience with Choice Network. I requested the information from Molly and advised her that we are not transferring to another agency at this time, but want the information for our records. I received an email today from Molly advising she wants to set up a time for me and Derek to meet with her and Joni and discuss our concerns. She is aware we are not happy w/ their lack of communication. It is frustrating because when we talk to Molly it almost feels like she tries to turn things around on us. Her email discussed how other adoptive families have to wait between 24-26 months to receive a Caucasian infant. I contacted Molly & Joni after reading their email and explained to them that we are not planning on transferring agencies at this time but that their communication needs to get better. I explained how difficult it has been on me and derek and how much of a rollercoaster of emotions we have been on since this thing started. We feel as though the agency supports the birthmoms but does not support us. After speaking to Joni, I definitely feel more confident and comfortable about the situation. Joni does an excellent job and is working very hard for us to be matched with a birthmom. They are going to meet with Anna at the end of the week. Hopefully we'll hear something then...

Still no real news, but I figured I would type a message to update. We are hoping to reschedule with Anna in the next week or so. Joni is still confident that Anna is very much excited about the adoption but we can't help but be cautious (due to our track record).

With the holidays around the corner, it is hard not to think about how blessed we are to have a great support system of friends and family. I know that we could not go through this process without the wonderful people in our lives. There are still those that are skeptic and think we should go a different route for starting our family, but the majority are supportive. I had a co-worker get so excited to talk to me on Monday to find out how Friday went. Of course she was bummed to find out that nothing happened on Friday, but it felt good to know that she cared and was thinking about us :o)

I found out another co-worker's wife just found out that she is pregnant. He was scared to tell me, due to our own circumstances and what we've been through... I always find it funny when people are scared or nervous to tell me they are pregnant or their wife is pregnant. If anything... I'm the exact opposite of being angry or mad... I'm excited because them being pregnant indicates they don't have to go through what we are going through. And from a first hand experience, is not easy by any means. I definitely wouldn't wish it on ANYONE. So if it takes another couple a very short amount of time to get pregnant, it makes me happy :o) I explained to him that the only time I get frustrated or bummed out is when I find out about single mom's getting pregnant or those that can't afford the kids they have yet choose to have more kids. Those situations are frustrating to me and sometimes make me wonder "why them and not us?" Other than that... I'm happy for others that are having kids (of course I do have a small jealous bone, but I try to keep it as small as possible ;o)

2/2 :o( Got a text from Joni yesterday that Anna was sick and not going to be able to meet w/ us today. Just our luck. Doesn't seem like anything can go smooth for us. It is definitely frustrating. I guess Anna's mom is still confident she is going through with the adoption but has the flu. With our past history with Nikita, it is hard not to think other things. I guess they were able to measure Anna's baby and she is only around 31 weeks prego. Which means she has more time to meet us and potentially the other adoptive families too. Sometimes we feel as though the agency and these birthmoms only care about themselves and don't realize what they are putting us through. I think of this like a job interview almost. If it was an interview where I really wanted the job, the last thing I would do would be to call and reschedule due to illness :o/

And the rollercoaster has taken off again... so hold on tight! Saturday, 11/27 we got a call from Joni advising us that we were 1 of 3 couples chosen to meet a birthmom that was just introduced to the agency. Anna is her name. She is 16. The birthfather is 18 and a marine currently stationed in Afghanistan. Unsure of the complete details at this time, but apparently Anna was unsure of how far along she was and went into the clinic to have an abortion. She was advised at that time that she had two options: 1.) get ready for a kid in less than 5 weeks or 2.) meet with the on-site adoption agency. She chose adoption and has a very supportive mother, who i believe is encouraging the adoption. It is still unknown exactly how far along she is. They are guessing she is between 34 and 40 weeks prego because when they did the vaginal ultrasound they could only see the head...so she could deliver at any time... CRAZINESS! We got additional information today that we are now the ONLY couple that she is meeting with and as long as she likes us then we are good :o) We are going to meet Anna on Friday and I will update again. Keep those fingers and toes crossed!

It's the day after Thanksgiving. The food and family time were both great. Always nice to get together and hang out and eat a great meal! The holidays always get me thinking... crazy how things will change when we have the little one around. Speaking of which, it has been three weeks and still no word. Keep getting told by the agency to "keep thinking positive thoughts". Definitely easier said than done. I feel like they HAVE to know SOMETHING. I just wonder what they are not telling us or what they are holding back. Personally I feel like I have lost most of the excitement because I feel like Nikita has changed her mind and its only a matter of time before we get the call. I probably won't even be upset because I have already prepared myself for the call. Everything happens for a reason. It kinda sucks when people ask me how things are going and what the status is... because I don't know. I pretty much tell them that a baby is suppose to be due Feb 14th but we don't know if we are still matched with her or not. I guess I just don't understand how they do not know anything at all. I feel like both are not looking at the situation from our perspective and what we are going through. I understand that Nikita is probably going through a lot, but atleast have enough respect for us to keep us in the loop and let us know what's going on and how she feels. If she is changing her mind, let us know. The waiting continues...

Welp, unfortunately we don't have a lot of news to report. The agency advised that Nikita hasn't backed out of the adoption or changed her mind, but it appears she has kinda pushed the agency away some. Therefore, this has resulted in little updates or contact between the agency and Nikita. According to the agency, this can be part of the grieving process and isn't necessarily uncommon. Still frustrating for us, but we do understand that it can be difficult. Since things haven't felt right the last two weeks or so, we don't feel as bothered by the situation as we would have if this came from no where. It's never going to be easy but we would rather her change her mind now than to change her mind after the baby is born. At this point, we haven't pushed the agency for information since we realize that once information is given we will be notified. We definitely don't want to push Nikita any farther away either.

We realize everything happens for a reason and God has a plan. Many people don't understand what it's like or how emotionally challenging and draining the process can be. We really feel like we are on a roller coaster. However, it is interesting to see different peoples reactions when they find out that we're adopting. Some are excited to hear about the process and to get updates. Others ask "why?" or suggest different options. To be honest, it is different for everyone. Everyone has their own opinions or views and that doesn't make one way right or wrong. Some people don't have kids at all where as others try for years and spend thousands on infertility treatments for a miracle baby. Everyone is different, and unless you've been in their shoes... its hard to say how you would react or what decisions you would make. Regardless of anyone's situation, it's important to support them and be by their side no matter what. We are lucky that we have support from our friends and family. Dunno what we'd be like if we were doing this alone...