And the rollercoaster has taken off again... so hold on tight! Saturday, 11/27 we got a call from Joni advising us that we were 1 of 3 couples chosen to meet a birthmom that was just introduced to the agency. Anna is her name. She is 16. The birthfather is 18 and a marine currently stationed in Afghanistan. Unsure of the complete details at this time, but apparently Anna was unsure of how far along she was and went into the clinic to have an abortion. She was advised at that time that she had two options: 1.) get ready for a kid in less than 5 weeks or 2.) meet with the on-site adoption agency. She chose adoption and has a very supportive mother, who i believe is encouraging the adoption. It is still unknown exactly how far along she is. They are guessing she is between 34 and 40 weeks prego because when they did the vaginal ultrasound they could only see the head...so she could deliver at any time... CRAZINESS! We got additional information today that we are now the ONLY couple that she is meeting with and as long as she likes us then we are good :o) We are going to meet Anna on Friday and I will update again. Keep those fingers and toes crossed!

It's the day after Thanksgiving. The food and family time were both great. Always nice to get together and hang out and eat a great meal! The holidays always get me thinking... crazy how things will change when we have the little one around. Speaking of which, it has been three weeks and still no word. Keep getting told by the agency to "keep thinking positive thoughts". Definitely easier said than done. I feel like they HAVE to know SOMETHING. I just wonder what they are not telling us or what they are holding back. Personally I feel like I have lost most of the excitement because I feel like Nikita has changed her mind and its only a matter of time before we get the call. I probably won't even be upset because I have already prepared myself for the call. Everything happens for a reason. It kinda sucks when people ask me how things are going and what the status is... because I don't know. I pretty much tell them that a baby is suppose to be due Feb 14th but we don't know if we are still matched with her or not. I guess I just don't understand how they do not know anything at all. I feel like both are not looking at the situation from our perspective and what we are going through. I understand that Nikita is probably going through a lot, but atleast have enough respect for us to keep us in the loop and let us know what's going on and how she feels. If she is changing her mind, let us know. The waiting continues...

Welp, unfortunately we don't have a lot of news to report. The agency advised that Nikita hasn't backed out of the adoption or changed her mind, but it appears she has kinda pushed the agency away some. Therefore, this has resulted in little updates or contact between the agency and Nikita. According to the agency, this can be part of the grieving process and isn't necessarily uncommon. Still frustrating for us, but we do understand that it can be difficult. Since things haven't felt right the last two weeks or so, we don't feel as bothered by the situation as we would have if this came from no where. It's never going to be easy but we would rather her change her mind now than to change her mind after the baby is born. At this point, we haven't pushed the agency for information since we realize that once information is given we will be notified. We definitely don't want to push Nikita any farther away either.

We realize everything happens for a reason and God has a plan. Many people don't understand what it's like or how emotionally challenging and draining the process can be. We really feel like we are on a roller coaster. However, it is interesting to see different peoples reactions when they find out that we're adopting. Some are excited to hear about the process and to get updates. Others ask "why?" or suggest different options. To be honest, it is different for everyone. Everyone has their own opinions or views and that doesn't make one way right or wrong. Some people don't have kids at all where as others try for years and spend thousands on infertility treatments for a miracle baby. Everyone is different, and unless you've been in their shoes... its hard to say how you would react or what decisions you would make. Regardless of anyone's situation, it's important to support them and be by their side no matter what. We are lucky that we have support from our friends and family. Dunno what we'd be like if we were doing this alone...

Oh what a frustrating weekend :o( Unfortunately, to say the least, we have not been very satisfied w/ the agency. After not hearing anything from Joni on Friday I texted her Friday night to see if she was going to call Nikita on Sat... but i didn't hear anything back. So I waited around and called her on Saturday around 1:30pm and left her a voicemail to call me back... but i didn't hear anything back. After not hearing anything on Saturday or anything this morning. Derek finally texted Joni around 4:30 and asked her if she heard anything from Nikita. Joni finally replied that she was going to call Nikita on Monday. So we'll see... I completely understand if Joni wasn't able to get in contact with Nikita or Nikita wasn't feeling very well or up to talking, but at least keep us in the loop and let us know. The communication with the agency has been absolutely horrible. We were both hoping things would change when Joni was going to be the one communicating with us, but I'm starting to think that's not the case. It is frustrating because we've already invested so much time and money, most of which we wouldn't get back. If we left and went to a different agency we would probably be at the bottom of the list and there is no way to guarantee that things would be different... Needless to say, we are very frustrated :o( I knew it wouldn't be easy, but this just sucks

Well... after patiently waiting all night... I got on Facebook and saw that Joni dropped her phone in water, had to get a new phone, and lost all her numbers. Just our luck! So I texted Joni my number and she advised that her and Mollie called Nikita but her uncle answered the phone and stated she was sleeping and not feeling well. She was not taking any visitors or phone calls. So, bottom line... we still don't know the sex of the baby. We may find out today...

Well... its about 5:45 and we still have not heard what gender the baby will be... Ahhh!! The suspense! Maybe we should learn some patience before we have this kid, lol. Last word from Joni was that Nikita had her ultrasound yesterday and we should get updated by today... tick-tock tick-tock... I did talk to Mollie yesterday. I guess Nikita is nervous that we will back out. I had to let her know that we have no intentions on going anywhere or choosing any other birth mom. We do ask a lot of questions, but a lot of that is because we are nervous about being new parents, not because we are nervous about Nikita. It is definitely challenging because the whole adoption process is based on trust. We have to trust that Nikita won't back out and will be healthy and take care of herself. We have to trust that she will release all information she knows about the birth father and how each of her appointments go. I think there will always be a slight fear that she will back out or not tell us something that she feels will make us change our minds. Though I have never been pregnant, I definitely think it's a lot different than giving birth myself. I know I would take good care of myself and do everything the doctors told me to do. I have to trust that Nikita would do the same. And though we have never met Nikita... I also have to trust that the agency knows her well enough to provide us with accurate information... total craziness!! and the anticipation of finding out the gender continues.... sigh...